Feeling guilty

I am feeling guilty and I should.  I haven't written in here for over a year.  My heart hurts because you don't deserve that.  Life has been really crazy in the last year.  We moved from the trailer house to our new big house.  The first week you just ran, because you had room too.  But, your mommy has been dealing with some health issues since you were born.  I feel like I have neglected you because of it, and it's not fair.  I have been exhausted and moody, in pain and not in the right state of mind.  I have been feeling better lately and am getting the urge to catch up.  I just want you to know that my faults has nothing to do with my love for you.  Since you where born I have had a strong bond with you.  You where my easiest baby and loved your mommy and snuggles.  Lately it has been a different story.  You love your dad and want him to do everything for you and with you.  When dad is around you wont even let me take you to the bathroom.  You give me a look like "get away"  you nothing to do with me.

Some things that you do that I love are:  When people ask you how old you are you say "two on Saturday" all the time.  It started right before your second birthday.  We kept saying, "you are going to be two on Saturday." so you repeated it to everyone.  You still do!  I am sad about your birthday though.  I was down loading them onto a flash drive when you came over and shut the door to the computer.  It bent the the flash drive in the computer and I lost 6 months worth of pictures, including your  1st birthday.  I am sick about it!

The month before your birthday we kept asking you what you wanted for your birthday, over and over again you kept saying you wanted a doggie.  So for your birthday we got you a six year old, trained yellow lab girl named Rio.  You were a little nervous at first but now you love her.

Ever since you started walking all you do is run.  You are so fast!!!  You never walk and it is hard to catch you.  You are built like ox, and when you through a fit it is hard to control you.  You are strong.  You are also my brown baby that tans really easy.  You are a joy to be around except when you are loud, and you are loud.  When we go places people are always looking at us because you are running, loud, and talk talk talk!!  When you speak its in a shout.  Your poor voice in hoarse  because you are always straining. 

You where by far my easiest to potty train.  You where interested in the potty at a really young age.  I would say about 14-18 months.  You would say "potty, potty" and I would stick you on the potty and you would go everytime.  I still thought you were young so I never pursued it.  When I would say lets go potty you never fought me you would just go to the bathroom and go.  Finally after the chaos with the move and mommy health slowed down I decided to try again at the end of August beginning of September.  You did really good you just had no interest in telling me you had to go.  After about two weeks, I left for a week to go to a convention in Utah.  During that time your dad watched you and the whole week you had no accidents and told your dad everytime.  That was the trick and when I came back you have had very little accidents at all.

When you started talking at a really early age.  You started talking big words and sentences way before you were too.   You talk very well and eveyone points that out.  You enunciate very well and you picked it up all by yourself.  You remind me a lot of Colton when it comes to picking things up really well but your personalities are very different.  You are more of a dare devil, rebellious.    some of the things you have said that where soooo cute are:  We were doing the piggies on the toes. " This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy stayed home, this little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none." When we got to the little toe I said "and this little piggy......." and you finished with "went to time out."  We laughed so hard!!

Another funny thing you said was, every Sunday dad does your hair.  He puts gel in it and you say, "daddy can you please Jealous my hair."

When we were in Washington you were mad at me because you didn't want to go to bed.  I made you anyway to your ran to the bed and burried your head in your pillow, on your belly.  You lifted up your head, and in your cute little voice said, "why you gotta be so rude."  It's a line in a song that plays on the radio, it's really popular.  I funny part of the whole thing was how serious you were and that I didn't know that you knew the words to the song.  Now any time it comes on the radio you say "Mom, is this my song" The other song that is your song is paramour's "don't go crying, to your momma."  You sing them both so cute and know most of the song!

then tonight I was making dinner.  I asked you what we should have for a vegetable.   You said "M&M's"

We just love you in our family, you bring such joy and you are so fun.  Your dad is telling me everyday that he loves you so much.  You have a mind of your own and your own agenda.  Since you were a baby you have wanted to do things your way and by yourself.  I love you to pieces!